Reflective Essay

Overall, I think I performed exceptionally well in all aspects of this film making process. Although tough, working as an individual instead of with a four or five person production team was very stressful, it was also a lot more rewarding when I had completed the assemble edit, added sound and received a lot of positive feedback.

Prior to starting out with this project my preference was with reality, realism films and documentaries. I wanted to give myself a challenge and try and make something that I had never thought of before and something that would have pushed me out of my comfort zone. I also wanted to gain more editing experience and make a film that had little dialogue and played about with expressionism and symbolism a lot. I was aware that I was taking a risk with this, also being a one woman team but I am so glad I decided to push myself. I could have taken the easy option and film a real life person who is in someway dislocated.

I dont think I was faced with any problems apart from just the stress of being alone and worrying if i was prepared enough and worrying about how my subject would perform (as she has no acting experience at all) I was aware I was taking a risk but she had the exact, striking look I was imagining so I believe it worked out well. In relation to the sound in my film, there were some mishaps, although these were easily fixable. Also the production folder was a lot to do along with trying to get the edit perfect. If I were to undertake a project like this again, although I am proud of myself for doing it as an individual I would at least try to recruit at least one other person to bounce ideas off.

Naming the film

After the successful Filming on Day two it suddenly dawned on me that I had yet to give my end of year film a title. I didn't want to name my film 'Dislocation' as this was the brief I was working on. I wanted a name that correlated well with the art-house, expressionistic poetic cinema that I was taking inspiration from. I began thinking about the title. One of the symbols I incorporated into my film was the 'Egg' symbol, as this is a symbol of fertility, rebirth and the symbol of life (I was also shooting on Easter Sunday!) and of course the religious element is suggested also. To add to the symbol I added in a scene in which the young son is painting  the Eggs on Easter Sunday to keep hinting at the connotations of the symbol. In the black and white scenes where the mother is tormented by grief she is sitting next to the broken egg shells this is again hinting at loss, the once colourful symbols of fertility and life are now broken which symbolises loss and death. Due to this exploration with expressionism and Eggs I decided to name my film 'Egg', I made this decision as this is a short and quite enigmatic title that in itself expresses something to the audience.

Shoot update

I began shooting on the 19th and 20th April for my end of year film. I had a clear idea of what I wanted to shoot and how I wanted to do it. I had a shot list, script and a list of objects and symbols that I wanted to film even as an experiment to use in my edit. I made sure I was very well prepared as I am working as an individual and do not have any class friends to help me out if I were to get stuck with something. This added a lot of pressure onto the shoot but I was prepared and stayed positive.

On the first day of my shoot, I arrived at the location, late as there was a problem with the bus schedules due to the Easter Holiday period. I first of all got experimenting with the settings on the camera for the light of the first scenes of the extreme close ups of the woman's face as she is in a state of grief on the beach. I wanted to get these shots just as the sun was setting in the sky so I white balanced it for the correct amount of light. I took a lot of takes on these shots as I wanted to try my best to capture this emotion. This was the only thing I shot on the first night as it was not the ideal light I wanted for the rest of the footage. The first couple of shots I captured on day 1 were very striking and I was very happy with them. I was then really eager to get shooting on the second day.

Screen shots taken from my film.

The pitch

This project requires me to pitch my final year film idea to an audience. The reason for this is to make sure all of my plans are in order for being able to plan and produce a cinematic piece to be screened in the Odeon cinema Belfast. In order to be prepared for my pitch I began writing notes and sketches on A3 paper. I plan to cut out photographs of my locations and some inspirational shots and symbolism. I also went to my location and got used to using the Canon XF-100 I used this in a documentary film I had made earlier in the year.

Exploring the Expression of visual language in my story.

Below I have shown a breakdown of certain visuals in my story and how I will replicate them visually on screen for my end of year film. I have mentioned previous symbols I intend to use but in this post I will go into the exploration of my visuals in more depth. I am aware that this will help me as a film-maker to plan an array of visuals as pre- production before I begin making a shot list and so on.




The first thing I will be expressing visually is the location. The main location I have chosen for my film is Coney Island Beach County Down. I am aware that the visuals for this will depend heavily on the weather on the week I begin shooting. I am also wary of filming at night in darkness although I am certain I want to include the coastal lighthouse in some on my visuals.

I like the visual idea of a lighthouse as they symbolize  beckoning people back home. Lighthouses were meant to guide sailors back into the harbor, back home. So the lighthouse, in a way, represents the return of optimism and of life back on shore, back home. This relates to my story as my character is dislocated from a normal life of life. She is trapped in a Psychological state and in need of help. The light on the shore symbolizes the danger and the possible end to the dislocation she is facing.



The sea is another visual I want to explore. The sea can be a symbol of  the process of therapy; its calm presence and sense of space, a place to reflect on the past, and to dream and hope about the future. A place to look ahead and 
imagine what could be waiting on the horizon, actually or metaphorically. The sea can mirror a persons mood, for example full of rage beating off the shore. The sea can also be a symbol of life and death and danger.



I intend to visually express my main characters thought and memories with the use of flash backs of her and her son on the beach. I intend to film these hand held and almost in a dream like sequence with pull focus.



Another visual I want to express is the dislocated and trapped state of the protagonists mind. I think I can do this by using an isolated forest where the protagonist looks lost.

Using Symbolism

Symbolism is the practice or art of using an object or a word to represent an abstract idea. An action, person, place, word, or object can all have a symbolic meaning.


I plan to use a lot of symbolism in my film, as I mentioned before Maya Deren used a lot of this in her experimental work and I would love to take inspiration from her work. Now that I have the concept and the reasoning behind the protagonists psychological dislocation I can begin building the plot up with the  use of symbols, sounds and visuals. The cause for the mothers dislocation - 'disturbance from a proper, original, or usual place or state' is the death of her son. The most common symbol for this, as Maya Deren also used is the Grim Reaper.

I could incorporate this into one or two of my visuals. A broken mirror can represent loss and seperation. An empty field, an animals body, items left in a public place for example, a coat, a book and a used candle, these are just a few symbols which can portray loss.

I will deffinately be incorporating various of these symbols into my film. I find it a very interesting way to give meaning behind a film with little or no dialogue and I am looking forward to producing this film.

The concept.

 I have chosen to base my end of year film on the Psychological dislocation that a mother has experienced after the loss and death of her child. The plot will follow a non linear narrative which explores the dislocation within the balance of the woman's brain. The locations will be mainly set in Coney Island county down. I intend to include various beach scenes including the light of a lighthouse and imaginary sightings of her son. I intend to do a bit more research and then begin writing the first draft of my script.

The dislocation between the Visuals and Audio.

Just recently a thought came to mind when thinking about poems that explored the same theme and tone as the visuals I had in mind. For example an isolated beach with a piece of a persons clothing with the words about drowning being read simultaneously to the image being filmed. The idea occurred to me about dislocating the visual and audio, for example having sad, lonely, isolated images mixed with song lyrics or poems that we associate with happiness. I feel that this would give a whole different sense to the theme of dislocation. I watched 'Shame' (2011) By Steve Mc Queen. There is a scene in this film where a character takes the famous song 'New york'  By Frank Sinatra and slows pace of the lyrics right down and is crying whilst singing. This gives us a whole new meaning. This sparked my idea to possibly try something similar in my end of year film.

Looking for the right words. . .

I am certain that I will be producing a poetic themed film which explores a characters state of mind. I intend to do this in a non-linear narrative. I feel this will add to the them of dislocation if the pieces and structure of the narrative are dislocated, similar to the protagonists mind.

I began thinking of meaningful poems which explore the idea of being trapped in your own mind almost drowning in negative thoughts and not being able to escape. A very well known and popular poem came to mind. 'Not waving but drowning' (1957)  By Stevie Smith. This poem explores the unseen psychological problems that people face. The poem describes the 'dead man' not waving but drowning. The poem explores being misunderstood and shows miscommunication between the speaker and society, almost being dislocated. I intend to use words over the visuals and I plan to do more research but this is the type of tone I am aiming towards.

Nobody heard him, the dead man,   

But still he lay moaning:

I was much further out than you thought   

And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking

And now he’s dead

It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,   

They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always   

(Still the dead one lay moaning)   

I was much too far out all my life   

And not waving but drowning.

Maya Deren - At Land (1944)

'At Land' (1944) is one of Maya Deren's following shorts after 'Meshes of the Afternoon' (1943). This is a gripping short which explores a woman trying to keep her identity. The plot follows a dream-like narrative in which a woman, played by Deren is washed up on a beach and goes on a strange journey encountering other people and other versions of herself. I particularly love the opening scene where the ocean is reversed, it is a really gripping scene and it makes me excited to begin trying techniques like this for my own film.

I love the way Deren's work experiments with reality creatively. It is explored in a way which makes people think 'out of the box'. The scene in the film where the woman is walking along the beach picking up the rocks shows the raw emotions of despair and panic she is going through whilst trying to 'keep her identity.'

 I am really interested in experimenting with reality and developing a visual experimentation piece that portrays the Psychological dislocations of the human mind.

'Artistic freedom means that the amateur filmmaker is never forced to sacrifice visual drama and beauty to a stream of words...to the relentless activity and explanations of a plot...nor is the amateur production expected to return profit on a huge investment by holding the attention of a massive and motley audience for 90 minutes...Instead of trying to invent a plot that moves, use the movement of wind, or water, children, people, elevators, balls, etc. as a poem might celebrate these. And use your freedom to experiment with visual ideas; your mistakes will not get you fired.'

Maya Deren Meshes of the Afternoon (1943)

Maya Deren was an experimental film maker in the 1940's and 50's. Maya produced surreal short films which created an experience she combined her passions; voodoo, dance, subjective psychology in a range of surreal black and white films with unusual camera angles, slow motion, jump- cutting and circular narratives. I have been watching a lot of Maya's work particularly due to the fact I want to make something similar. 
When I watched Meshes of the Afternoon (1943) I felt almost as if i was being hypnotized and could not take my eyes of the screen, I loved the use of psychologically symbolic images; The rose, the grim reaper type character with a mirror for a face, a door unlocked, a knife in a loaf of bread and a phone off the hook. I love that the symbols give a meaning which isn't obvious.

The film is so creative and shot in a way which reflects that. The use of shadows and the circular narrative of a woman walking down a road repeats a number of times. The short is making connections between places and emotions but in a way which is unique to any other form. The film was actually quite terrifying, moreso than any of the modern horror films made today. I think it is exploring the unknown and portraying it in a fantastic way.I am really influenced by this style of film making and I am sure that this is the style I will be creating when making my own film.

Basic Proposal. . .

The purpose of making this piece is to complete my Higher National Diploma in Media Production in order to progress into further study. However although this is a must do for my course it will also reflect myself and my works for show-reel's and so on. I want to engage and audience to make them feel a particular emotion, I want to produce a beautifully shot piece that possibly educates people about the un-seen Psychological dislocations that a lot of people suffer from.

I want to produce this for the widest audience possible, considering it will be shown at the Odeon Cinema I want it to appeal to a range of audiences, including young people, adults, lectures and so on. Although the certificate in the Brief is '15' so I will have to research this and be careful when thinking about how to show specific aspects of Psychological dislocation. The film will be shown on You-tube also.

I want to show a persons thoughts and feelings through the use of surreal dream sequences of delusional effects. I want to experiment with the use of photography and sounds and also editing to come up with a sequence that explores a specific psychological state. I am unsure at this moment as to what I will show but I am enjoying exploring the surreal side to the film industry.

I want to show my piece in a way which uses little dialogue and focuses heavily on the visuals, although I am also thinking of using a voice over to enhance the mood I am going to portray.

I plan to stick to the style of an Art-house type film that does not necessarily portray a story but makes the audience feel a particular way about the theme dislocation, I am very excited to explore this style of film- making because I have not yet worked on it. Although I have a great passion for documentaries and realism I feel that choosing to do something more surreal and arty will both enhance my technical skills and qualities and my film making abilities as a whole.

Wild at Heart - (1990) By David Lynch

Wild at Heart is a Surrealist almost nightmarish film about two lovers, Sailor and Lula who are on the run from Lula's over controlling and possessive mother. The film has elements of crime and violence especially when Lula's mother calls in private assassins to go and find her daughter and kill sailor. The first time I watched this film I could not take my eyes of the screen nor could I get the story and characters out of my mind for days, It influenced me very well and it is one of the reasons I have chosen to study film and hopefully get a chance to work in the industry in the near future. The film has elements of surrealism and symbolism throughout which are done brilliantly, For example Lula's mother is portrayed as the devil/ wicked witch of the story. The film is almost like a dream, with references to The Wizard of Oz.

Lula's mother is upset that she didn’t lead a better life, having been raped by her Uncle Pooch at the age of 13. Lula is a very excentric character who is very sure of herself. Although it could come across that she and indeed her boyfriend Sailor are dislocated from society due to Sailor not having much parental guidance and being in prison and Lula trying to live with her over-bearing mother. The film is  Bizarre and fantastic, although very unusual and intriguing, Sailor and Lula come across a woman who has been victim to a car accident and is in shock, this scene has stuck in my mind since the moment I watched and I think it is very Psychologically distressing, the scene mixed with the orchestral music makes it one of the most memorable film scenes I have watched. For my own film I could only dream of coming up with something as remarkable as this film. 

Looking back over my favorite 'Psychological' films . . .

The tenant (1976) By Roman Polanski

When I first started thinking about Psychological films I could take influence from the first one that sprung to mind was Roman Polanskis' The tenant - The story of an estranged Trelkovsky (Roman Polanski), a quiet and unassuming man who is renting an apartment in Paris whose previous tenant, Simone Choule, attempted suicide by throwing herself out the window and through a pane of glass below. This film is based around paranoia, just like Trelkovsky we do not know what is going on and who to trust or if it is all in his mind. I throughly enjoyed the work of Roman Polanski in this film and also in 'Rosemary's Baby' (1968)  which has similar psychological and frightening paranoia sequences. Although Polanski keeps the element of paranoia quite simple it is still one of my most memorable films. For example in this clip one of Trelkocskys' obscure neighbors comes down to complain about the noise, which is not abnormally loud and the whole essence of his body language, appearance and tone of voice instantly sends shivers down my spine. Polanski has captured the Psychological element to this film fantastically. We as an audience feel Trelkovsky's pain, we almost feel like we are Trelkovsky.

Another really interesting and almost distressing scene from the Tenant is the scene where the protagonist is almost on 'show' or performing a theatrical act to all of the other tenant's in the apartment block. It is filmed in a way which is so creative and adds to the psychological aspect of the film. 

Introduction - 'Dislocation'

This week we were given the theme for our end of year pieces. The theme we were given to work with is 'Dislocation.' The first thoughts that came to mind were quite vague as I wasn't entirely sure of the word's definition. After searching the definition -'disturbance from a proper, original, or usual place or state.' I began thinking of concepts and vague ideas and possibilities and ways I could explore this word visually. As 'dislocation' is such a broad theme that covers many possibilities I am excited to have a lot of creative freedom.

Although there are various routes I could take with this theme be it a physical dislocation or being dislocated from your routes, hometown, geographical aspects of the word dislocation. From the outset I really wanted to begin exploring a Psychological Dislocation as its something I am interested in. I feel this is also a very intriguing choice because the Psychological side, what is going on in our brain's cant necessarily be seen by the naked eye so I think it will be a lot of fun trying to portray it and give it an identity with the use of surreal film effects.

I also think that the Psychological side of the theme is also very broad and will give me a lot to think about. However, I am still very open minded and I will be doing a bit more research before I make any final decisions.